Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.
You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
They say that in this lifetime you’d meet people all the time. People whom can be your friend, your enemy, an acquaintance and people whom can be someone you’d share your life intimately.
I am the type of person, though always seen in the scene, am not sure if I can call myself a sociable person. Even if I do love going out, I am as private as I can be…
In the life that I have lived, I have made a lot of friends, I know I have made enemies as well but I know I am friendly for the most part, and there are these 2 guys that I know are worth keeping…
It’s funny that our friendship is unconventional in a way that I call them Inay (Mom) and Itay (Dad), and they actually call me “nak”. And I am actually their first born. Not literally of course!
These guys I know are someone I can trust and rely on in almost everything. They may don’t know much about my whereabouts or what’s going on in my head because I don’t open that much, but I know I can count on them. I don’t really open much, not just to them but to most of my friends, I guess that’s something about me that I have to deal with but then again that’s another story to tell. I know that they are very much willing to listen only if I would talk.
This group that we fondly call family eventually grew, now, I have sisters and brothers, I have uncles and aunts, and all the more, the fun just keeps growing… we somehow manage to be there not just for laughter but for tears as well.
I know I would still meet a lot of people along the way, I know I would eventually make friends and enemies alike… we can’t really say what’s in store for us for the next couple of years, if I would still be here or if these 2 guys are still here, but whatever fate gives me…I know, I’d always look back to this day and would always feel grateful that I have my Inay and my Itay.
To you both, more more love, stay strong and keep the fire burning! Cheers!
I can’t remember anymore the first time I fell in love with reading. I can’t remember what novel it was or was it a fairy tale. I just know that right now, I love reading more than anything… I read a lot, almost all kinds, but give me novels, fiction, and self help type of books anytime…
Last night when I was watching one of my favorite series Ally Mcbeal, yes, I love Ally Mcbeal and I have the whole set. I don’t know, but out of nowhere, it just dawned on me why did I fell in love with books… more often than not, it can captivate my emotions, to the extent that it can make me cry…
For me reading can be very relaxing… unlike to others that it can stress their eyes. When I’m reading, I retreat to my own world. In reading, I am compelled to visualize what is being described in the book. I need to create a picture of it in my mind. I need to use my imagination to see a clearer picture.
It is in reading that I feel in control of everything… like the author can maneuver things the way he wanted it to be… not so much like in the real world, where you can never direct the outcome.
I can say that books are my comfort zone, in there I find peace, in there I find comfort.
When the real world is all fucked up; I retreat to my books, to open my mind, to open my imagination, to make me believe that everything can be okay, that it can be better… don’t get me wrong, I still live in the real world, but somehow it helps me to feel good that somehow everything can be perfect even if it’s only in the books…
Now that I carry a bag to work and sometimes even when going somewhere, lets try to dissect what’s inside my bag.
Organizer- my hard earned Starbucks organizer, I tend to forget some stuffs and occasions and gatherings or date with friends… so I try to keep track with my organizer.
Perfume- oh well I am developing my love with scents, my new flavor of the month, Herrera Aqua by Carolina Herrera.
ID- ok, of course I need some identification.
Digital Camera- I am a camwhore, need I say more?
Pens- of course I have to have pens handy…
Post-its- for when leaving short notes and short sweet nothings… hehehe!
Toothbrush- always keep a fresh breath, you’ll never know when you’ll be lip-locking! Kidding! I interview applicants, and so I have to keep my breath fresh.
And of course my Pouch Bag! No way! Here’s what’s inside my pouch bag!
So what’s inside my pouch bag? Are you kidding me?!? Of course you have face powder, mascara, lip gloss, eye shadow, etc. etc. HAHAHAHA!
My Sony Cyber shot charger, Digital Camera Data Cable, My phone charger, My SE data cable, and my SE earphones
Life played a trick on me, and it swept me off my feet… I am ready to stand up and pick up everything but I can’t seem to figure out my way.
I am lost.
I know I can easily look back and retrace my steps but am I scared that there’s none left there for me. My instincts tell me that they’re just there but I can’t seem to see any.
Life if full of interruptions and complications.
In my adversity, I find solace and comfort in the fact that if you are on your lowest, there’s no other way but UP.
I was awakened by small kisses on my left shoulder blade and little murmurs, that’s when I noticed that there’s an arm wrapped around my waist. I shifted sides and there he was, half awake and half asleep, smiling occasionally. I stared at the beautiful face in front of me. It couldn’t get any better than this. He kissed me and uttered “good morning sweet prince”. He’d always call me that, even back when we were starting 6 years ago.I wanted to stay there forever and probably freeze the time. It’s going to be a wonderful day for me. We cuddle some more for a couple of minutes before I finally get ready for work.
We both got up from bed; I headed for the shower, while he went straight outside our room to the kitchen. I did my usual morning rituals, shower, shave, brush my teeth, I was almost done with my tie when the door swung open to tell me that breakfast is ready.
We happily ate breakfast together, scrambled and sunny side up eggs, hotdogs, fried rice and toasted bread, I made coffee of course.
I kissed him goodbye, and I said I’ll be home around 7pm. Right before I shut the front door, he said he’ll be coming home a bit later because of an early evening meeting with a supplier, and asked me to cook dinner. I said sure.
I arrived at the office, doing the same thing, reports and analysis. Right before lunch time I received a text message saying “please drop by the grocery and get us toiletries, there’s no more in the cabinets, buy chips as well! Love you sweetheart!”
I finished everything in the office, and by 6pm I was heading the grocery. I got all the things we need and head home.
I just finished shower, when he arrived home. We ate dinner, chat about what happened to our days and usual TV before sleeping…
The following morning, it was me again, and only me… it was a dream! A dream of how I pictured my self and my partner will be… just happy being ourselves, being together. Why is it so hard for us to find this true happiness of having someone? Someone you can call the better half of you, someone whom you can count on with everything and anything there is.
Someday I will see this dream happening in front of my eyes, and I will just tell my self, déjà vu.
In reality, no one can really say they’re a simple person. In one way or another there would always be one complex thing in each and every one of us. And besides who ever said being gay is simple?!? Hehe, it’s not simple, never going to be… because being gay is being FABULOUS!!! Hehe
I guess the one thing I can say good about me is that I never regret anything that happened in my life. No matter how difficult, or ugly, or frustrating, or heartbreaking the situation gets, I never regret anything.
Life has given me a lot of experiences already, that’s maybe the reason why I think maturely… but no matter what life teaches me, I remain true to my age if in regard with feelings, fragile and young.
Recent events in my life have been overwhelming, not that I’m complaining, I guess it’s a case of “TOO MUCH, TOO SOON”.
I have gained friends who treat one another as family, and I know that nothing can change that anymore, they will always be there for me, just the same for me to them… but like what everyone knows, you sometimes cannot have everything, there has to be balance somewhere.
“Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.” Is it true that lovers cannot be friends? I honestly don’t know… same as I don’t know if they really can. “You had been the one; you had been the one for
I am hurting, and I know I will still hurt tomorrow, and the day after that, for how long it will take, I cannot really say… but I know, deep down me, I can honestly say that I do not regret anything, things happen for a reason, if I will learn anything from it, only time can tell. But for whatever it is worth, am very thankful for the experience, and the journey has been worthwhile.
“Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. You had been the one; you had been the one for me”
Someone told me that “life has to be experienced and not idealized.” I will keep that in mind.
It's good to know what other people can say about you... be it good or not, you just have to take it constructively... somehow for me knowing what other people can say about me keeps me grounded... it keeps me on my feet.
It's also helps me to feel good when I feel down, it becomes a morale booster for me... It's a reminder that I am human and am capable of a lot of things... and that I have been good!
every time I came across this, it gives me a warm feeling, it's like saying everythings gonna be fine...
"I haven't been grateful to life lately, it isn't because of what i have or what i could have, it is because of the people who sorrounds my path. It has been a not so well journey for me... Being who i am now is not even a done deal yet. Life has been so full of instances, experiences and chances... chances that lead me to meet one person whom have shown how my path can be sorrounded with flowers and good things. He is my shoulder when i need a tap, he is my back when i need to turn around and see my past, he is my teardrop when i want to cry, he is my hand when i need a hold, he is my arms when i need a hug and he is my life when i need to live again. He faces me when the world turns its back away from me, he turns me into an angel when the devil in me sprungs... It is with just one look that make him say that... everything is gonna be fine, just fine. It has been heaven and earth being with this person... and i know it'll be forever. Thank you... I have met you."
to you who made this... thank you as well, I have learned a lot from you... and I promise to continue learning... we don't talk or see each other anymore but i know you're very happy and contented... am grateful for everything!
I never thought I’d miss you this much so soon… it’s easier said than done, that it’s just 4 Pink Saturdays in Government, or 4 Yummy Fridays… it’s just 1 month, just 1 month… 4 hours had past and I’m missing you terribly…
Maybe it’s the thought that when I got home, you’ll not be there anymore… maybe it’s because you’ll not be there to give me a hug… or maybe because I will not hear the question “pang ilang yosi mo na yan?” hehehe! or “how was your day? Tired?” maybe because I will not hear these questions for the next 30 days…
I wanted to tell you a lot of things earlier but I couldn’t find the words… maybe I was thinking that my hug would communicate all that I wanted to say… I was hoping that my touch somehow showed you how much you will be missed…
I always say “love comes to those who believe it”.
They say that change is good for you, that it keeps you on your toes. Well, if that's true, I should be a fucking ballerina by now. I know I have written before that am not really fond of change, but recent developments in my simple and sturdy life made me accept a lot of changes… changes in the way I think, the way I act, and changes even in my beliefs.
I’ve had my share of relationships, and I could possibly say “been there, done that”. In my previous relationships, if I see something wrong, I complain, now I try to weigh things and try to understand. Before, one mistake leads to a fight, now I try to calm down and relax. I have learned that you don’t need to fight before a petty thing can be resolved. I used to think that am older than my age, but now, I believe that I am, that I’m mature… and I’m proud of that.
For the past weeks, things turned out unexpectedly, not that I’m complaining , in fact am quite happy with what happen, but like what I’vie written in my previous blog, you only have control to anything that is you, beyond that, you can’t do anything about it.
“There are millions of people in this world. But in the end, it all comes down to one”. It’s not a matter of finding that one particular person but making a particular person the one for you.
3 weeks ago, I was telling my friend, I don’t want to have a relationship just yet, no dating even, probably for the next 6 months or even a year. But something happened…
Now that Government is more of a second home to me, I want to give my gratitude to the very first person who made me feel at home and welcome… close friends know that I was not as sociable before. I already frequent the club before but I never had as much fun as am having now. Music and booze was my reason for going there, but now, it’s the people you more so call family…
This guy, who first danced and talked to me in Salvation Gold in PTTC last October 2006 and eventually every time that I am in Government from then on…, I can still remember the very first question he threw at me “bakit ka may gum at bakit ka my hawak na tubig?” and then he flashed that grin… then the rest was history.
Jhon, thanks for the gift friendship and thanks for making me feel welcome… you may not know it, but you made a big difference… =)
isn't it wonderful that you are going to clebrate your birthday without any fancy celebration but somehow you feel very overwhelmed...
i have always been grateful for the things that come my way, there may be times that i missed this, but hey am just human, and i have my shortcomings...
i have celebrated birthdays before like as if it was just an ordinary day but this year, even if its gonna be as simple or as ordinary as it may be, i still feel grateful...
I am very grateful for the past year, for the people i met, for the happy and not so happy times and most especially for the experiences and leassons i've learned. I am overwhelmed for the things that MIGHT come my way, and for the things that I have yet to experience...
For the past 23 years I have somehow maintained a positive outlook on things and i would want to keep it that way...
Cheers! For the years to come and for memories to keep!
I have come to realize that no matter how you plan things or even envents in your life, it will never happen exactly the way you wanted it to happen. In more ways than one, reality will always be different from a dream...
In reality you do not have control in things that is beyond you... as a result, you get frustrated...
lesson learned: do things not because you want the expected result but because you want to do it now... it may affect the future but no one can really say that it will... take responsibility of your actions but your actions alone, things happen because they just do...
They say that the only thing constant in this world is change, but I was never very fond of that… but when things starts to change right before you very eyes, you cant do anything but accept the fact that things will never be the same again… you may disapprove it, you can disagree or even counter it but you can never stop it…
It could have been an ordinary Friday night out, but it turned out that it’s that one night that changed my life… it seemed that everything happened in just a blink of an eye, yes, fast as it may seem but it felt everything is happening because I was at the right place at the right time and I’ll be damned have I missed this night.
I was not supposed to be there because plans have been made a month before, that the following morning I will be spending the weekend in Batangas. But something tells me otherwise. Simple things happen extra ordinarily to give way to better or even greater things. And before you even know it something wonderful unfolds right before your eyes, like the rainbow after a hard rain, or the morning dew, as great as the sunrise or the sunset, as wonderful as the full moon or as honest as a kid’s laugh or smile…
And with that, you just know… things can only get better…
Can anyone be as difficult as I am? Is there anyone out there as conflicting as I am? For the longest time I wanted to believe that I am just a simple person, a simple guy but I have always believed that even if I’m just simple I am never typical…
I grew up in the province; I grew up with a simple family. There’s food on our table more than 3 times a day, but it was not served in a silver platter. When I was a kid, I had more toys than a normal kid my age has. I attended a private school, had new stuffs whenever it’s the start of the school year, new bag, new uniforms, new shoes. I had birthday parties when I was growing up, was allowed to go on gimmicks during my high school. My folks are pretty cool, and my sisters… we fight, we bonded, we share stories, and we are a pretty tight family. My yester years are neither ordinary nor extravagant, neither restrained nor flamboyant.
I lived a simple life in the province, and so I thought I am simple… even though I tried to keep it that way, something always tells me that I am somehow different, and in one way or another I feel I don’t belong…
I can’t really say that currently I’m in my prime, probably yes and probably not… I have money in my wallet and I can buy stuffs for my self, I pay my won bills, and I make my own decisions.
I wanted to believe that I know me, that I can honestly say who I really am. I think I still do… but with the recent developments in my life, made me think that there is no way I am simple. I am not simple and but I am easy to get along with… I am not simple but I am not extravagant either.
A colleague once said that with the rate I’m going, and with the way I think, It’ll be hard for me to settle down, I’ll be very successful and I’ll be wealthy, I’ll have partners occasionally, but it wouldn’t last… somehow, in one way or another… she may have a point…
I have come to accept that it would be difficult for me to find that one person for me… waiting for that guy may last forever… I may spend my life alone, I may also be lucky to find him… only time can tell…
I may be seen as a tough and strong guy, I may be seen as cool and laid back… some may even thought I’ll be okay alone… but no matter how I try to deny and no matter how I hide it… I will always be a little boy waiting for that special someone to take my hand and would never let go…
Everybody has wings. Some probably don't know it, yet. Some do. They say that all people have only one wing, so they need other people to help them fly. None can fly without the other.
I know that I have them, too. I'm different from others, because I have a pair of them. Two wings. So, I don't need others to help me fly. They say I'm special. That I'm strong. Because I have two wings, I can fly on my own.
They don't know that one of them is broken.
One of my wings has been broken for a long time now. Was it when I was born, or when somebody harmed me? I can't tell... I failed to remember when or how it happened. But, here it is. It is truly mangled. It is unlike any ordinary injury. A part of it has already started to rot.
There's a part where the feathers have already fallen off. The bones are bared and can be seen.
It's nearly dead. But I was able to hide it with what's left of its feathers. Thankfully, they covered the broken part well. So no one could see it.
My feathers are black like the night. So they couldn't make out the dark blood flowing every now and then from my open wound. I'm glad that it's that color, because when people see it, they fear it and stand in awe and respect. They always fail to see beyond it.
When I try to fly, they stare at me in wonder. Because I can fly alone, unlike most of us who need to cling to another to reach greater heights. And they say I fly well. They didn't know that it almost kills me to even move my wings.
When I open my wings, the wound is reopened as well. The tendons break anew, and my blood flows. My bones get dislocated again, and I can feel them rubbing roughly against each other. I can see more feathers falling. Because of that, I have to fly around and show off a lot of maneuvers even if it's so painful. So that no one will notice the blood and the feathers falling.
The pain nearly paralyses me, but I know that I have to look as if I'm enjoying my flight. We all have to fly, so it's inevitable.
They leave me alone because they think I'm strong. They think my wings are perfect and beautiful. They think I'm indestructible.
Nobody knew that each day that passes by, each night I spent alone, I cry and scream in agony as I try to rest and cure my broken wing. I tried my best to mend it, but
it is futile. Its fate is sealed. Yet, even if it's like that, it's still a part of me. So no matter how much I want to get rid of it, I can't. It is my wing, after all.
The day will come when all of them will fly away to that place where we're all meant to be, with their companions. But by then, my wing will have died. And so I shall be left behind and shall walk alone in this world.
I came across this one bulletin in another site with all these Zodiac Signs and thier descriptions... I am a taurian and I just love my description there.. hehehe! bested interest! :P
TAURUS
Aggressive.
Freak in bed.
Rare to find!
Loves being in long relationships.=)
Likes to give a good fight for what they want.
Extremely outgoing.
Sexy as ........
Very popular
Outstanding kisser.
Very funnyAwesome personality
Sexual as .........
Most caring person you will ever meet!
One of a kind.
Not one to ........ with.
Are the most sexiest people on earth!
Woohoo!!! way to go Taurians!
