Is it Me or is it just Me

Can anyone be as difficult as I am? Is there anyone out there as conflicting as I am? For the longest time I wanted to believe that I am just a simple person, a simple guy but I have always believed that even if I’m just simple I am never typical…

I grew up in the province; I grew up with a simple family. There’s food on our table more than 3 times a day, but it was not served in a silver platter. When I was a kid, I had more toys than a normal kid my age has. I attended a private school, had new stuffs whenever it’s the start of the school year, new bag, new uniforms, new shoes. I had birthday parties when I was growing up, was allowed to go on gimmicks during my high school. My folks are pretty cool, and my sisters… we fight, we bonded, we share stories, and we are a pretty tight family. My yester years are neither ordinary nor extravagant, neither restrained nor flamboyant.

I lived a simple life in the province, and so I thought I am simple… even though I tried to keep it that way, something always tells me that I am somehow different, and in one way or another I feel I don’t belong…

I can’t really say that currently I’m in my prime, probably yes and probably not… I have money in my wallet and I can buy stuffs for my self, I pay my won bills, and I make my own decisions.

I wanted to believe that I know me, that I can honestly say who I really am. I think I still do… but with the recent developments in my life, made me think that there is no way I am simple. I am not simple and but I am easy to get along with… I am not simple but I am not extravagant either.

A colleague once said that with the rate I’m going, and with the way I think, It’ll be hard for me to settle down, I’ll be very successful and I’ll be wealthy, I’ll have partners occasionally, but it wouldn’t last… somehow, in one way or another… she may have a point…

I have come to accept that it would be difficult for me to find that one person for me… waiting for that guy may last forever… I may spend my life alone, I may also be lucky to find him… only time can tell…

I may be seen as a tough and strong guy, I may be seen as cool and laid back… some may even thought I’ll be okay alone… but no matter how I try to deny and no matter how I hide it… I will always be a little boy waiting for that special someone to take my hand and would never let go…