Life played a trick on me, and it swept me off my feet… I am ready to stand up and pick up everything but I can’t seem to figure out my way.

I am lost.

I know I can easily look back and retrace my steps but am I scared that there’s none left there for me. My instincts tell me that they’re just there but I can’t seem to see any.

Life if full of interruptions and complications.

In my adversity, I find solace and comfort in the fact that if you are on your lowest, there’s no other way but UP.

I was awakened by small kisses on my left shoulder blade and little murmurs, that’s when I noticed that there’s an arm wrapped around my waist. I shifted sides and there he was, half awake and half asleep, smiling occasionally. I stared at the beautiful face in front of me. It couldn’t get any better than this. He kissed me and uttered “good morning sweet prince”. He’d always call me that, even back when we were starting 6 years ago.

I wanted to stay there forever and probably freeze the time. It’s going to be a wonderful day for me. We cuddle some more for a couple of minutes before I finally get ready for work.

We both got up from bed; I headed for the shower, while he went straight outside our room to the kitchen. I did my usual morning rituals, shower, shave, brush my teeth, I was almost done with my tie when the door swung open to tell me that breakfast is ready.

We happily ate breakfast together, scrambled and sunny side up eggs, hotdogs, fried rice and toasted bread, I made coffee of course.

I kissed him goodbye, and I said I’ll be home around 7pm. Right before I shut the front door, he said he’ll be coming home a bit later because of an early evening meeting with a supplier, and asked me to cook dinner. I said sure.

I arrived at the office, doing the same thing, reports and analysis. Right before lunch time I received a text message saying “please drop by the grocery and get us toiletries, there’s no more in the cabinets, buy chips as well! Love you sweetheart!”

I finished everything in the office, and by 6pm I was heading the grocery. I got all the things we need and head home.

I just finished shower, when he arrived home. We ate dinner, chat about what happened to our days and usual TV before sleeping…

The following morning, it was me again, and only me… it was a dream! A dream of how I pictured my self and my partner will be… just happy being ourselves, being together. Why is it so hard for us to find this true happiness of having someone? Someone you can call the better half of you, someone whom you can count on with everything and anything there is.

Someday I will see this dream happening in front of my eyes, and I will just tell my self, déjà vu.

In reality, no one can really say they’re a simple person. In one way or another there would always be one complex thing in each and every one of us. And besides who ever said being gay is simple?!? Hehe, it’s not simple, never going to be… because being gay is being FABULOUS!!! Hehe

I guess the one thing I can say good about me is that I never regret anything that happened in my life. No matter how difficult, or ugly, or frustrating, or heartbreaking the situation gets, I never regret anything.

Life has given me a lot of experiences already, that’s maybe the reason why I think maturely… but no matter what life teaches me, I remain true to my age if in regard with feelings, fragile and young.

Recent events in my life have been overwhelming, not that I’m complaining, I guess it’s a case of “TOO MUCH, TOO SOON”.

I have gained friends who treat one another as family, and I know that nothing can change that anymore, they will always be there for me, just the same for me to them… but like what everyone knows, you sometimes cannot have everything, there has to be balance somewhere.

“Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.” Is it true that lovers cannot be friends? I honestly don’t know… same as I don’t know if they really can. “You had been the one; you had been the one for me.” It’s the dreams you took away, because it may be over, but I know it doesn’t stop there.

I am hurting, and I know I will still hurt tomorrow, and the day after that, for how long it will take, I cannot really say… but I know, deep down me, I can honestly say that I do not regret anything, things happen for a reason, if I will learn anything from it, only time can tell. But for whatever it is worth, am very thankful for the experience, and the journey has been worthwhile.

“Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. You had been the one; you had been the one for me”

Someone told me that “life has to be experienced and not idealized.” I will keep that in mind.